What Makes Us Puke November 6, 2009

Hippo cock
Patron the drink
Patron the mexican drunk
Patrons of Johnny Rockets
Fat hipsters
Google image search of syphilis
The surgeon squeezing my stomach

Recession Foods November 5, 2009

Reheated refried beans
Shit and lettuce
Just throw some fucking salt on it
Just throw some fucking D’s on it
Whatever’s left in the dumpster at Denny’s
Corn on the feet
Pre-prepared Gristedes meals

Advantages to Being a Furry November 4, 2009

Get to hang out with Dean Braithwaite at all functions
Is that a second tail or are you just happy to see me?
No one will notice the syphilis
Makes my job at Disney World way more exciting
Can blame rape on being in “heat”
FUCK KEN JENKINS
Valid and accepted reason for suicide
Because, otherwise, fucking on top of a bear [...]

Halloween Regrets November 2, 2009

Too much lace, not enough skin
Ignoring weather report, insisting on paper mache
Going to a Yankees game still dressed as a decent person
Hooking up with a girl dressed as Kill Bill, finding out it was a German dude in a jumpsuit
Don’t just stare at it, eat it!
Hooked up with a girl, puked in her mouth so [...]

New Deodorant Scents October 28, 2009

Virgin
Williamsburg Musk
A-Train Stank
Hood Rat
Wet New York

New Illnesses October 26, 2009

Pizza Face
Poker Face
Tracy Morgan Disorder
PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR!
Swine AIDS

Lesser Known Side Effects of Ambien October 21, 2009

Increased heat vision
Steve Martin
Flagrant racism
Inward boners
Horse-sized dick
Dick-sized horse
Attending a showing of Where the Wild Things Are and audibly crying
Spontaneous fisting

Incentives We Can Offer to Generate More Submissions October 20, 2009

Josh’s Private Pants-off Dance-off
Exception from the above Pants-off Dance-off
“3rd Rock from the Sun” box set
Pepperoni pizza (fuck you Craig)
Chance to see highly disturbing fist in vagina photo
Free Bang Bros membership

Most Pathetic Things to Have Sex For October 19, 2009

The antidote and/or the anecdote
Cardio workout
Medium-sized platter of Szechwan beef, no rice
A VHS copy of Fool’s Gold
Don’t have Chanukah gifts for nephew(s)
Free day pass to any Disney park

These are a Few of Our Favorite Things October 17, 2009

Chocolate milk
Pubic maintenance
Yelling!
That Pacific Life commercial with the whales and intense music
The subtle sound of balls
Scat porn, the musical kind
BJs, the store
Dogs with tiny penises
Pre-sex beej
The Taxi theme song