What Makes Us Puke

• Hippo cock
• Patron the drink
• Patron the mexican drunk
• Patrons of Johnny Rockets
• Fat hipsters
• Google image search of syphilis
• The surgeon squeezing my stomach

Recession Foods

• Reheated refried beans
• Shit and lettuce
• Just throw some fucking salt on it
• Just throw some fucking D’s on it
• Whatever’s left in the dumpster at Denny’s
• Corn on the feet
• Pre-prepared Gristedes meals

Advantages to Being a Furry

• Get to hang out with Dean Braithwaite at all functions
• Is that a second tail or are you just happy to see me?
• No one will notice the syphilis
• Makes my job at Disney World way more exciting
• Can blame rape on being in “heat”
• FUCK KEN JENKINS
• Valid and accepted reason for suicide
• Because, otherwise, fucking on top of a bear is kind of weird
• Knowing what Chuck’s dick tastes like

Halloween Regrets

• Too much lace, not enough skin
• Ignoring weather report, insisting on paper mache
• Going to a Yankees game still dressed as a decent person
• Hooking up with a girl dressed as Kill Bill, finding out it was a German dude in a jumpsuit
• Don’t just stare at it, eat it!
• Hooked up with a girl, puked in her mouth so she started puking, turned into an endless puke fountain.
• Getting the rage and not spreading it.

New Deodorant Scents

• Virgin
• Williamsburg Musk
• A-Train Stank
• Hood Rat
• Wet New York

New Illnesses

• Pizza Face
• Poker Face
• Tracy Morgan Disorder
• PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR!
• Swine AIDS

Lesser Known Side Effects of Ambien

• Increased heat vision
• Steve Martin
• Flagrant racism
• Inward boners
• Horse-sized dick
• Dick-sized horse
• Attending a showing of Where the Wild Things Are and audibly crying
• Spontaneous fisting

Incentives We Can Offer to Generate More Submissions

• Josh’s Private Pants-off Dance-off
• Exception from the above Pants-off Dance-off
• “3rd Rock from the Sun” box set
• Pepperoni pizza (fuck you Craig)
• Chance to see highly disturbing fist in vagina photo
• Free Bang Bros membership

Most Pathetic Things to Have Sex For

• The antidote and/or the anecdote
• Cardio workout
• Medium-sized platter of Szechwan beef, no rice
• A VHS copy of Fool’s Gold
• Don’t have Chanukah gifts for nephew(s)
• Free day pass to any Disney park

These are a Few of Our Favorite Things

• Chocolate milk
• Pubic maintenance
• Yelling!
• That Pacific Life commercial with the whales and intense music
• The subtle sound of balls
• Scat porn, the musical kind
• BJs, the store
• Dogs with tiny penises
• Pre-sex beej
• The Taxi theme song